Time Away

I realized something today. For the past week, I have been up in Riverside, non-stop with my nanny family. I have been having a great time. However, the past 48 hours or so, I was finding myself lethargic and just in need of getting away.

Today, I had lunch with one of my AMAZING roommates from last year. I spent only an hour with her but I got in the car and felt so much better. I realized, at that moment, that I am going to need to succeed in this job and to succeed in motherhood. Just a little bit of time away.

As a nanny, I have Friday afternoon to Sunday night off. Even if it is one afternoon, I need to force myself out of the house and with non-work related people. Even if it is an hour lunch at Chipotle or a time of reading at a Starbucks. I need to give myself some time away to rejuvenate.

My job is unique. I live at my job. I am a stay-at-home mom without my own kids and the inability to do certain maternal things (that I want no part of at this time! The mom can do the disciplining, I don't mind!). I take care of the house, laundry and snack time. I participate in tickle fights, play pretend and get schooled at video games. I hug them, squeeze them, and find ways to talk about Jesus to them. However, unlike those 9-5 conventional jobs, I am always on guard even when I'm off. There is no downtime where all my walls come down. This isn't bad, just the nature of the job.

Hence my broken spirit before 10:30 this morning. I was exhausted and feeling not enough coffee could shake my feelings toward today. After just a brief hour out, I feel so much better and excited to make the boys snack and cheer them on at swim practice.

I didn't think I would need time like this but it helps to spend a little time every week not thinking about the job and instead letting my guard down and re-energizing. Maybe that way, I'll kick their butts on Wii next time.

He knows EXACTLY what I need

I love Disneyland. Let's be clear here...if I could live at Disneyland, I would, and I would find something new every day.

I adore my new job. I really do. However, I have not had a routine the entire time I'm here. The family has apologized as it is out of character for them, but that is the way it is for the time. Last week, the family jet set on a vacation and due to my hiring time, they left me a nice big house with a to-do list and some free time.

About a month ago, Andrew was so busy with work we were barely seeing each other. In a moment of desperation to get me to stop crying about how we barely saw each other and the stress of my upcoming move and new job; he reserved a dinner at Ariel's Grotto...in California Adventure!!! (Seriously, I don't know what he was thinking...I was NOT going to let him back out of this) I was counting down and mapping out everything we would do instantly.

My new job started and I had at least two good break downs in my room after I learned a new task that seemed daunting. I called Andrew and he kept reminding me, while the family is gone we're going to Disneyland. Hang in there.

Wednesday the 24th came and I was up at 5am ready to go. We had to stop at my work to take in trash cans but then we were on our way! We got there for the opening ceremonies and I was squealing the entire time!

The day was pure bliss. I didn't stress one bit. Andrew just held my hand and we walked through the park riding rides, trying new things, and people watching. The dinner was great and World of Color was better than I imagined!

I went to bed a happy girl that night. I realized I needed a day away to shut everything out and just focus on relaxing and having fun. I remembered how this time last year, Andrew was moving to an apartment, with no job and I was frantically taking 30 units and trying to find a job. A day away like this would not have been possible financially, time-wise or any other way.

God knew that at this time, I needed to get away. He heard my sobs and knew my breaking point was starting. I know it sounds weird but I know He provided the finances and time for this to work. I love seeing Him, even at Disneyland.

Here's a few photos of our adventure:

Pardon the white legs but I always wanted to do this!

One of my favorite rides...what made it even better was no wait!

Seriously, I don't know how we lived without ever trying these! Dole Whip Floats

I am so blessed to have this man.

30 second exposure at the end of the show makes for a pretty cool photo

Happy Friday friends!

Jesus' Provision

I graduated college 3 months, 3 weeks and 3 days ago...when I graduated I thought I had post college plans all figured out. I was going to start the credential program for single subject credential, work at the university as a secretary and live at home until I saved up enough to move closer to Riverside...God had other plans...seriously opposite plans.

In the end of May, I realized working at the university was not what God had in store. Everything that was promised, assured and reassured was not panning out. The drive was making me grumpy and things were just not working out. I met with the credential counselor and she explained that there was a good chance I wasn't going to get into the program for this upcoming semester. Let's just say, my confident, past self at my graduation party looked more pathetic by the second.

God was faithful and provided last summer's nanny position. I knew I was employed from June 10-August 11. I needed a job starting August 11 to pay bills and keep moving forward.

I nannyed and loved it. The kids were a year older and there was no learning curve this summer. I had a blast planning parties, outings and just enjoying my time with them. July 1 I began my search with the prayer that I needed a job by August 11. Jesus, you know my needs so please work something out perfectly and help me trust You.

I received daily e-mails from various nanny agencies that I would glance and dream of nannying in New York, England and other gorgeous places. On July 8, laying in bed, I checked my e-mail. "Live-In Nanny in Riverside, CA". I clicked mindlessly knowing most nanny jobs in Riverside don't pay the best. Oh goodness, the pay was more than I ever imagined! They were a Christian family that attended Harvest Fellowship with two little boys ages 6 and 8. I decided to apply. Within an hour, the family and I scheduled a phone interview for the next day. After my phone interview, they immediately wanted to meet me in person. I met with them and was job offered on July 15 with a start date for AUGUST 11!!!

The day after my last day, I was packing Andrew's car with all of my belongings and headed to Riverside. I was thrown right into working 8 hour days and becoming part of this new family. I have quickly fallen in love with these kids and their parents.

My favorite part about this job isn't the house with my own kitchen, or the pay, or the awesome family; my favorite part is that there is no way I can take credit for this job. Seriously, it is my Jesus job!

I am hoping to update more and include adventures from my nannying!

It's Official!!!

March 14, 2011

Dear Kansas,

We have received and approved your application for graduation. Congratulations!

I finally received this in my inbox last Monday. WHAT A RELIEF!!!! It is real! I am really going to graduate on May 7, 2011 at 9am.

The next 46 days are going to fly by and I know it! It is so weird to think of my life beyond school. I'm going to become an "adult"...sure I'll be going through the credential program but the experience of working full time, starting the process of finding a place to live, pricing out things like car insurance, student loans and cell phone plans. At times it seems a little overwhelming but on the other hand it is refreshing that I will not be tackling this all at once or alone.

Well...here's to the next 46 days!

Do Not Stir...

This man:
has been part of my life since February 12, 2006...actually February 5, 2006 is the first time he held my hand...in the back of a school van on the way home from Mexico...for those of you that aren't great with numbers...we're 5 years steady. These 5 years haven't been easy...with the mess of distance and emotions and just plain life we have worked very hard to keep our lives together.

We've grown up together. I was 16 the first time he held my hand. We're 21 and 23 now...and I guess we're late bloomers.

I'm not used to this late blooming nonsense. I have always been top of my class and fairly ahead of everyone (minus that one year of Algebra 2). I usually am the first to get concepts and be ready to go...not in the case of this.

It is that dreaded ring by spring...due to this awful ritual...I never want to get engaged in the Spring (Andrew, you got that?...pick a different month!) We have dear friends getting married in the a few weeks and everywhere around me diamond rings are popping up!

Yesterday, I had a little breakdown when I heard of another engagement...when will I get my ring!!!!????!!!! I pulled my covers over my head and literally sobbed. That awful sob that you see in movies where you just look at the girl and say, "Oh honey SHUT UP!" My roommate walked in and was AMAZING listening to my cries and pleas for that beautiful Tiffany & Co. round brilliant with the bead band...I went to bed exhausted from tears and woke up vowing today was going to be different.

It wasn't...I was still miserable...the desire to be engaged isn't the only reason for my foul day yesterday, however it was still looming. After all, I've been dating Andrew for 5 years! I went to visit him and we talked about it...I was still visibly upset...even leaving an hour and a half ago. I came back to campus and unloaded on my roommate. Sitting in my chair, I began to work on studying for a midterm...still stewing...

All of a sudden I felt like I was told to shut up...but by God. He reminded me, in His dearest voice a verse that appears 3 times in Song of Solomon..."Daughters of Jerusalem! Do not stir nor awake love until it pleases." I remember clinging to this verse in high school as reasoning to being single...thanks Jesus for the reminder that our life in marriage is still sleeping. We are still growing up and developing. We aren't ready...when we're ready I know you'll wake us up. I know the timing will be beautifully perfect, the ring, the proposal, the dress, the flowers, the tuxes, the marriage itself will be beautiful and blessed because it is Your perfect timing.

Alright Jesus, I'm not going to stir...I'm going to wait. I trust You more than I trust that boy in the picture...I'm excited to see how perfect you make this match.

Broken

I met a broken woman yesterday...I've spent time in other countries, ministered to homeless, but never have I met such a broken spirit.

I was out with my roommate Brittany yesterday. We both had been having weeks that would not be going in our "Best Week Ever" albums...and we needed an off campus old-fashioned coffee and venting date. Brit had some errands to run so we headed to the Plaza to do the errands...we were walking back to the car with Starbucks in hand. I noticed a woman behind us but didn't think twice...after all, it is a parking lot in a shopping center. She said something and we continued to walk. She said, "Excuse me!" I looked over and acknowledged her. She asked if she could talk and she explained to us that her husband had just emptied her account. She was looking for $15 to get gas to go home to Pomona. This woman was desperate and you could tell. Her eyes were watery and her voice cracked many times in conversation. She entered our personal bubble and she talked. This woman was at an all-time low. She looked like there was no way up and that she could sink no lower. The humiliation to walk up to complete strangers and explain your situation. This woman was lost and broken.

My mom has worked with homeless people but I have never felt compelled to give any person money. I always let my mind wander to their intentions of asking for the money. I was about to brush her off and I could tell Brit was about to do the same thing. All of a sudden I just heard this voice in my head telling me to give her money. I had a momentary struggle, I'm a college student that is money for this weekend...What if she uses it for other reasons...Is she telling the truth...I got over my arguing, looked at the lady and asked her name. Her name was Christina.

We ended up giving Christina $5 and a handful of coins. She got tears in her eyes and started to turn and then out of nowhere I blurted out, "Can I pray for you?" We stood in the Plaza parking lot praying for Christina and her 2 teenage daughters. Again, out of character...I don't like praying in public...not that I'm embarrassed but I always feel awkward when my family holds out their hands at restaurants to pray. Judge me, but it's something where I'm more of a prayer closet kind of prayer girl...but nevertheless, I stood there and prayed in the middle of a parking lot. This woman is broken and I can't get her out of my mind. Could I have done more? I don't think I could have but I am burdened for Christina. Burdened to pray for her and her family. For restoration and for her everyday needs.

I think often we disregard the broken in our own parking lots...sure that parking lot in a 3rd world country would have us handing out our life savings...but there is broken people here in Riverside County. Not just people begging for money but that person in line at the store using their last ounce of cash to buy food for the night. That woman at Starbucks with a tissue in hand because her husband just left her. That man with his head in his hands at the drive-thru because he just lost his job...brokeness is everywhere and I find myself too busy to notice.

Christina, I hope you are ok and thank you for opening my eyes up to the broken.

Fear

I am a very worrying person. My personality is one of constant worry. As graduation gets closer...that worrying is turning into fear. What if I can't find a job? What if I'm missing a class and can't graduate? How the heck am I going to pay off all these loans? What if I have to move back home?

Oh those are just a few of the questions in my head...trust me there is a lot more.

This morning, while reading my Bible and waiting for my coffee to brew, my little pea-brain mind wandered over all these questions...suddenly I stopped worrying and noticed the verse I just skimmed over...it's a famous one (I'm going through Matthew right now)

I'll just put the little verse that made me stop and go back:

"And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:27

Am I scared to graduate? You bet. However, what is worrying going to get me...besides a few panic attacks and zits...not much.

I'm still processing all of this fear and learning to get past my human tendencies and just trust God. After all, when I needed a job and was down to my last $20...He's always provided a job that made ends meet. He also knows when I need just a little pick me up.

Last semester, money was super tight. I was barely paying my bills and it was just a really tough time. I had paid my bills for the month and was putting gas in my car...it had been a rough week and I remember praying, "God I could really use an Americano right now, I have class tonight and I am just exhausted. I'm putting all this money in the gas tank...please let there be enough change for an Americano." As I was saying this, my pump stopped and I went inside to get change...The cashier said, "$2.95, have a good day" He must have thought I was crazy...because I started crying. At that moment, I needed that little cup of coffee and God provided. I know if He can provide $2.95, He can definitely provide a job and the funds to pay off my loans...